Nacho's Flying Circus, Villa de Leyva

The lights are out, socks are off & I'm tucked up in bed for another night. After smashing through a $3 wood-fired pizza, topped in a tower of tasty cheese and mushrooms, I decided to crash out pretty early. I'd been on the road for most of the day, having finally made the move from San Gil. What a place that turned out to be...I'm still feeling the aftermath of our last showdown. I ended up baked as a  bitch, to the point where my eyes couldn't stay open, chugging an entire beer off a human foot. Another reasonable excuse to sleep I'll say. I found myself a quaint little place not far from the grand Plaza Mayor, teeming at the thought of my own private room. Bed was bliss. It was time for a bit of R&R. I sussed out the amenities, found a cupboard full of German literature and discovered a small loft with another mattress, not far off the high ceiling. It was a creepy nook but I liked it, and eventually I nodded off to the sound of some guy shifting about in his sleep next door. At least that's what I thought...

Plaza Mayor, Villa de Leyva

A few hours later I was awoken by louder shuffling. Was I dreaming some spaced out scenario all over again?? It happens much too often. I tried to ignore it...no something had definitely just stumbled over my shoes!! Fuck...here we go, my first Colombian late night visitor. When ever I get my own room, I always leave my stuff sprawled around the vicinity for this very reason; gives me some heads up in a sense. I also had a flashlight & that bad-ass Nicaraguan flick knife sitting on the bed side table. Game on. I had no idea what I was planning on doing to this guy, I've only ever killed a kangaroo, and that kind of sucks. I grabbed the flashlight & held the knife tight in my right hand, ready for whatever it was that would lunge upon me once this open space became illuminated...more shuffling...my senses had him fixed...FLICK...on went the light & out sprung the blade...what the fuck?? All that adrenaline gurgled on back down the sink. There was nothing there. I sat up in bed with one leg planted on the concrete floor, confused & weary...but there were the noises again!! Woahhh...my small beam of light spun frantically searching for the source...only to pause dumbfounded at the discovery of a black lump huddled up in the corner. It was a flipping dog!! How on earth did a black Labrador wind up here in my room?! This was impossible. I'd checked out the whole place earlier before bed. The room was barren, there was no place it could hide. And why had it taken over five hours for it to poke it's big boof out and say hello?? I'd found myself standing here in the nud, holding out a flick knife ready to brutally stab a puppy...this was all too much for this time of night. I kicked him out in the hallway & tried my best to nod off back to sleep.

A week earlier I'd also found myself all alone, wandering aimlessly about another bustling town. After spending a week in the mountains, I was in need of some serious attention - actually I was exploding out the seams. This was ridiculous. Where was everyone?? I'd landed in San Gil, apparently a gringo hot spot, with no gringos to be found. Maybe it was time I took this Spanish speaking seriously...there are always plenty of locals around, and really shouldn't that be the point?? I'm not travelling around the mother land after all. I purchased a children's pre-school picture book and sat in my room studying random words that I still couldn't figure out, while munching on a huge packet of crisps. I woke at three o'clock in the morning, with the book layed across my chest & the TV blaring an overdubbed edition of Lord of the Rings. What had I succumbed to...this was down right depressing.

The streets of San Gil

That morning I was contemplating clearing out. I had no idea where I would go, and it sucked since I'd actually had high hopes for this town. Things just weren't seeming to be going my way. I was now watching Pocahontas...shoot me. I couldn't find Khan, he was meant to be here somewhere, and then to top it off the hotel tried to charge me COL$8000 extra for another night. I cracked & bailed. There I was, sitting in the park with all my gear, weighing up my options. I decided to try the hostels one last time. Most were full up yesterday or were dimly diagnosed as psych-wards. I buzzed into Sam's VIP, and couldn't hear a thing over the top of all the traffic; no idea whether they had space or not. I just walked up anyway. Imagine my surprise to see ol' Khan kickin' back in his castle! Woohoo!! TIA (This is Africa) was here too! I was sold. This place was gold. Spewin' the few English slags were leaving later on that night. They seemed like very respectable women...

Our posse was monstrous, and only kept on growing. That night we bulked up at Sam's Bistro for some bangin' pub grub, before settling in for a night on the schnapp's, chilling out on the balcony which overlooks the park, serenading the masses with a Frenchman's guitar. AustinTexas proved himself a fine contender, plucking along with his sombre blues & bubble-gum pop mash ups. We traded off all night, even busting out the rusty harmonica. How it started, I do not remember...yet somehow we all decided rapping was a great idea. I hope there were no fatties around, I couldn't hold the lyrical genius back. However, I think I got owned by this chick rapping about mathematics & literacy.

That night had been the beginning of a tornado. This turned out to be one of the best weeks of my trip to date. What a difference a few good people can make. One thing, if you make it to San Gil, you have to descend upon that fruit market. They have everything. Most mornings I'd make myself some kind of milk & fruit smoothie to sooth the soul. A perfect way to start the day. Later, we made a trip out to Pozo Azul, a free local hangout on a cascading river, within walking distance from the town. We spent hours, lazing around in the sun, being pounded by waterfalls & soaking ourselves in the deep whirlpools. On the walk back, poor TIA had a little incident and nearly shit himself en-route. It's always funnier when it's not you in need of a loo. Gearing up for a big night, it was time we all hit up the sauna. Reaching that point where you can not psychically take the heat for another minute, and then throwing yourself into a cold swimming pool is much like a sustained orgasm. We squeezed three rounds out of the hour, before Khan went mental and poured everything we had onto the hot rocks! My lungs burnt from within as we all broke into a brawling stampede for the door.

Pozo Azul

So where does one go to party in San Gil?? That is the ever lingering question. In five years or so, this place is going to go bonkers. If you had any balls, you'd buy up hostels, bars & buildings; anything you can get your hands on. Pronto. At the time being, there is pretty much only one place to make for. A few minutes out of town is a complex of small clubs and karaoke bars - this was to be our dive for the night. In Colombia, it seems you can drink anywhere. We downed a bottle of rum right by the entrance to the venue, as police walked on by like nothing was out of the ordinary. Once in that karaoke bar, I was crying out for a beer. How hard is it to get yourself a single beer in a bar?? Too hard here...I could see them sitting in the fridge, I could almost reach out and touch them, but no...here we had to get ourselves a table and share a huge bong full of frothed up tap beer. I copped the largest head this side of the century. Shit...who just signed me up for Celine's "My Heart Will Go On???" Man, I love Leo - but that would cause a proper riot. Thank god this guy with the acre wide sombrero refused to leave the stage. We jumped ship & bit the bullet, paying the 'guy only' entrance fee for the 'real' club. Khan was soon destroyed on expensive fluorescent cocktails, while CharlieBrown & Lotte had molded into one person. I had some kind of rave pyjama pants on and found myself in a dance off with Shakira. I got owned. Never try to out move a Colombian. On the way home, all I remember is everyone screaming Linkin Park out the taxi windows, at the absolute top of our lungs, with the driver just chuckling along as the volume peaked past 11.

As the mornings came and went I kind of fell in love with the bakery girl. Can't go wrong with 50c croissants or pastry pockets packed full of dough & chicken. I think she enjoyed taking the piss out of me. Either that or she was incredibly bored. I'd point to something I wasn't sure of and ask what it was..."is that some kind of coconut cake??" Her face lit up with electricity..."La Bomba!!" Did I really just see her star jump?! I should have took her out, except she couldn't speak a word of English...I'd end up having to talk about whether she liked making bread, or if she owned a pet cat.

Today was paragliding day! It was time to fly. Everyone had been coming back pretty juiced up from it all, so we finally banded together and set off on our own airborne adventure. It was another perfect morning; I'd been so lucky thus far. I was expecting Colombia to be the only downer during my epic endless summer. After a short, bumpy commute we reached the cliff face, chilling out on the grassy hill drinking tiny sweetened coffees. I've got to say I hate Colombian coffee. I think they export all the good stuff, and sell us all the cheap crap. It kind of makes you feel a little ill. Haha, speaking of ill, Lotte was first to take off and dramatically managed to chuck her guts up spinning around in the air! Poor girl, she wouldn't live that down. AustinTexas nearly went skyward off the wrong side of the hill! His parachute got snagged on some kind of wind current and it took a whole team of troops to keep him from taking off. All he could muster was a fit of hysterics as he tried to keep his body up right while running flat-chat backwards. My departure went by with out a hiccup, and I was soon floating high above the rolling countryside. I forgot how much fun this was; thinking back to my skydive all those years ago, the parachute ride was half the experience. An unparallelled birds eye view on the world. My guide had us spinning all over the show, zipping ever so close to the treetops bellow us. It felt like I could almost put my feet out and run along them. The best however were the downward spirals, where we'd fly up to some ridiculous height before pirouetting back towards the ground in a kind of corkscrew formation. Our graceful landing was tarnished by my balls hanging out the end of my shorts, as the crew fumbled with the safety harness straps around my legs.

Paragliding near San Gil

The next day was a little more relaxed. I love having the days to kill. Everyone is gobsmacked at the amount of time I still have left on my travels, and that makes it feel all the more special. I haven't shaved myself since Guatemala, and I wasn't about to start. Cut-throat barbers are the only way to go while in this part of the planet; it's like being pampered as a king. This one time in Granada, I got a whole head & hand massage with some kind of metal vibrator machine to finish off the service. My face was hairy, so I went and cleaned it all up. Spring-chicken sprouter once again. A bunch of us then hiked up to The Virgin mirador overlooking the entire town, before heading back to watch the Euro Cup Football. I had to mung more crisps.

CharlieBrown & Lotte doing Squats @ The Virgin

We finished off the day by treating the new influx of Sam's VIP guests to a guided tour of the local swimming holes. First we splashed about at Pozo Azul, but it was late in the afternoon and the lack of sun made the place a little less serene. Wandering on back down the road a bit and you'll come to a farmers property where you can pay COL$1000 to go jumping off these sets of waterfalls. This was more like it. A touch of anxiety to finish off the day. AustinTexas led the way, and everyone else followed in unison. This big Swiss guy just stepped right up and swan dived the entire drop, something I'd been trying to build up the courage for for the better part of the past hour. There was a rumour kicking round that some guy had snapped his neck at this same spot a few years back. I wasn't game on losing these fine legs. I thought I'd just flash for the cameras instead.

All of us had now jumped except JoJo, one of the girls who worked at the hostel. She was one of the main reasons we'd come here in the first place, and there was no way we were leaving until she took the leap. Fear is a curious thing, I'd learn more about it all tomorrow. The longer you wait and look, the harder it is to live by that life-loving spontaneity. Countless times she began the run only to wrench on the brakes, nearly causing a catastrophic skull-cracking debacle. As is always the case...once all those cameras were put down and the pressure placed upon the patient had been lifted -  Shazzam!! JoJo discharged like a projectile out of a firearm, and cannonballed out over the edge, into the murky water. Being there to witness the moment when someone conquers a fear, beats leaping off any waterfall. I was wondering how many folks we could fit in the sauna tonight??

Waterfall flash jumping!!

By now our crew had began to flutter. AustinTexas had left late last night, leaving JoJo distraught, and for most of us, today would be our final day. It had to be a big one. We all agreed on the rappel down the Juan Curi Waterfall, yet for some dumbfounding reason, Khan was petrified. This baffled me more than JoJo's hesitation at the jump yesterday, I assumed this crazy kid would do anything. Once again I got a little taster on the ways of the world. As outrageous as it may be to most, some people just really can't help what they're afraid of, and no relentless hastling is going to fix the problem. Count myself lucky I guess. By the time we reached the top of the falls Khan was peaking, he wouldn't even contemplate it without a cigarette, which I forgot I'd been keeping for him in my bag. I really wanted him to do it. I could tell he was going to have loved it, at least once he was safely down the bottom anyway. I'd chirped up to go first and take all the photos from bellow. On mumbling a little Spanish I also ended up becoming the group translator! Thank god I'd done some of this before, other wise I would have most likely sent everyone to their premature deaths. It took only a few seconds before I was completely drenched!! The water was freezing, and tumbled down the cliffs with a lot more force than I had anticipated. What a rush! I tried to look up but my eyes wouldn't focus, I could just make out Lotte dangling out over the first lip. Taking it all in, I slowly made my way down the falls, the view behind me was spectacular. There were a bunch of little dots swimming about in the pool below, and a few bystanders enjoying the drama. I whizzed through the last section as the water bucketed down upon me almost unbearably now; it felt like my shoulders were being winched open with the back of a pick axe. OooYeaa!! So good. I unclipped my carabiners and layed out on the rocks, watching Lotte & CharlieBrown also make their way down the face to join me. We were all buzzing and took a bunch of celebratory photos. I still had hopes Khan was heading down too...but it wasn't to be. The realisation came as Lotte's shoes were lowered on down the bag rope, signalling his ultimate surrender. He didn't seem too fussed when he eventually made his way down to meet us, after all he got to take a dip & play Tarzan over a log bridge...I just couldn't seem to work it out. That log bridge to me was more scary & dangerous than the rappel! Life is one big phat mystery.

Lotte rappelling down Juan Curi

It was sad to say goodbye to San Gil, the past week had been unbelievable to say the least. I was now back on the open road once again, winding up here in Villa de Leyva. The day following 'the dog incident,' I hired myself a mountain bike and set out for a jaunt around the surrounding hills. I stumbled upon a pathetic excuse for an astrological observatory, a dinosaur skeleton enclosed in a house, and a field full of giant stone penis's. It was a hefty day out, I enjoyed the exercise. Today I simply strolled the weekend market & payed ol' El Santo a visit. The slower way of life does make an appearance every so often. After all, I need to gear up for my next diabolic.

Giant stone dick

Thanks to Khan, AustinT, Lotte, CharlieBrown & TIA for a bangin' week out...couldn't have taken over the town without ya'll!! See you all in another life...

El Santo overlooking Villa de Leyva

Tata for now!! JollyJolly good times!!
Much ever lasting lovin'
Nacho. xxxx